Prime Cut
Director:Michael Richie

Fox 1972

By ignore Staff

Excuse me, but what the fuck is so great about Lee Marvin? The guy seemed like a fruitcake. He dressed far too well—in that dandy who shows-his-ankles way—to be the most stone cold dude on the planet as people recall. Point Blank? Did Jim Jarmusch really name his cult of friends “Sons of Lee Marvin” based on that flick’s pedigree? For a man who never said much, Marvin said far too much with his wardrobe and strict skincare. Maybe he’s still an icon to some for starring in The Dirty Dozen, which, while never having seen the film, has a title that instantly conjures army helmets knocking in trench mud and lots of bullet holes—the type of war-motherfuckers! imagery that causes girls to climb out of Tarantino’s bed and wipe the cum off their ZZ-top legs at eight in the morning while he’s dreaming up the fourth hour to Inglorious Bastards.

This movie, Prime Cut, is top-lined by Marvin, and Marvin aside it’s sort of the D.C. Cab of getting high retro entertainment. If you’re the “movie/drug person” in your hierarchy of friends—well, congratulations and smart thinking—you should also throw this one on the pile. It’s the greatest big-city-rich-criminal assholes versus southern-white-devils movie you’ll ever see. If you prefer specifics, Chicago’s Irish mafia takes a trip into farmland to lean on corrupt Kansas slaughterhouse-operating white-slave traders. Yes, white slave traders. This movie fucking rules…after two or three bong guns. Let’s boil it down further like pig’s feet: Lee Marvin versus a very high Gene Hackman with Sissy Spacek’s young ta-tas and bush starring as an impossibly hot, completely naked white whore-slave. \m/

Now, after watching Prime Cut, you will conclude many things without any further questions:

• an inbred redneck tries to kill Lee Marvin at the end by stabbing him in the back with a sausage but dies when Lee Marvin, uh, puts him in a bear-hug
• white slave owners prefer to auction off their ‘70s girl stock by having them lie naked in hay-matted stables made for pigs, while they dine on gross barbecue, or, as Marvin calls it “guts.”
• if you are a member of the Nation of Islam you will love this movie, as it equates eating pork to a brain disease that has infected most white people i.e. white people are crazy
• if you are suddenly in a wheat field in Kansas or in the South and a wheat-eating machine aka a combine approaches you, run, because the operator is a big city-hating inbred wearing a cowboy hat who will inexplicably use his vehicle to chew up your Cadillac and turn it into machine-hay
• Lee Marvin movies are still overrated, but their innocent-civilian-death ratio might be more gruesome than any video game ever, including Narc
• rich people in 1970s Kansas or in the South owned boats that looked like those glassy “modern living spaces” showcased in T, the New York Times Style Magazine circa 2007
• Lee Marvin is probably the only action hero to have his largest shoot out in a field of beautiful sunflowers
• the old adage, “Men who throw stones shouldn’t live in glass houses” is a major plot point
• the Irish will never be tougher than the Scots, fuck the Micks
• there is no pig-fucking in this movie, but there should have been
• the entire opening credit sequence, in which a mobster is turned into hot dog wieners is fucking awesome when you finally realize it i.e. after reading this bullet point
• if anyone can confirm that Lee Marvin fucked 300 women or more in his lifetime, we admit he wasn’t such a pussy and we regret all prior statements
• in Kansas or the South, girls don’t attend k-8 school, they are kidnapped at age 5 (seriously) and enrolled in a bordello
• this movie deserved an immediate sequel, but the scene that inside a fast food joint in Falling Down will suffice
• Hollywood was better when everyone was on coke and made junk for junk’s sake
• county fairs are fucking awesome
• fuck the Taliban

This discourse of Prime Cut is written for ignore Magazine, copyright 2007.